In my early 20s, someone told me something that would change my behavior forever. I don’t remember who said it, but the saying was, “your children do and behave the way they SEE you behaving and NOT by what you say. Most daughters end up emulating their mother’s behavior with men.” And at that moment, I was dating someone, who I knew I would NEVER want my daughter to date. So I broke up with him and vowed to become the woman I would want my daughter to be.
So years before Ryann was even conceived, she was impacting my life and changing me for the better. Every decision, every action, every thought from that day forward, was measured against, “is this something that I would want my daughter to do, say, or engage in?”
And, my hand to God, my quality of life improved. And, it wasn’t for me; I didn’t love myself enough to always make the right decisions. BUT I had sooo much love for yet unborn daughter, that I was able to make loving, healthy choices for myself.
So today, I celebrate my role model, my inspiration, and one of the major reasons I keep striving to be a better person today, my daughter, Ryann Michelle. I think she knows how much I love her, but I don’t think she knows how responsible she is for helping me to love myself. Once I realized that my daughter would emulate my actions, my actions changed. Even today, when I want to call myself a “fat ass or stupid” or one of the million negative thoughts that run through my mind all the time, I think of my Ryann. I only talk to myself the way I would want Ryann to talk to herself.
Ryann Michelle saved me from a life of unhappiness and terrible decision years before she was even born. I was not making the best decisions in my early 20s and my life could have been drastically different. I praise God for the divine vision I received about my daughter, that saved me.
I love you, Ryann Michelle, more than you will ever, ever know. My love for you endless, unconditional, and will last through eternity. My only aspiration for you is a security in knowing that you are loved, as is. Whatever you do, or don’t do, professionally, academically, personally, is extra. Just you being here is a blessing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LOVE!