To be a mother means that you created life. Women are the ultimate barriers to life. There are now ways to create life without an actual man; but still, the process of creating life involves a woman’s body. On this day, I am so honored, so blessed, to be a woman. I am honored and blessed to be loved by women. I am honored and blessed to love women.
I am honored and blessed that I have the choice to become a mother. I know it’s unpopular, maybe tacky, to talk about abortions and birth control on Mother’s Day, but that’s what is on my spirit.
But I can’t celebrate being a Mother without honoring the work, sacrifice, and toil that the women before created this single time in history, where I can CHOOSE to be a mother. Childbirth has historically been one of the leading causes of death for women. Childbirth has also historically been one of the leading causes of poverty for women.
Yes, it’s cute to have pictures and love of our child but make no mistake, our mothers, grandmothers, and great mothers, lacked a certain amount of freedom because they did not have control over their bodies or their reproductive systems.
Giving women control of their bodies, access to birth control, and abortions allow women the ability to choose motherhood.
-We are the first generation of “chosen” children.
Our mothers could have made another choice. -We are the second generation of women who are able to choose when or if we have will children. We can have agency over our bodies and reproductive choices.
-Our daughter’s potential will be unlimited largely because of her reproductive choices. They will be able to travel the world, have professionally demanding careers, or just chill and have the luxury to live their lives unapologetically selfishly.
To my pro-life women:
I have nothing but love for everyone. Some of the mothers I admire the most are pro-life. They are the women who choose to give birth to their children even though the timing wasn’t right, or the daddy wasn’t right, or their money wasn’t right, and have had to deal with public scorn and humiliation that often accompanies being a single mother. Those are the pro-life women I admire with all my heart. Happy Mother’s Day and I see you and I love you!
To my childless by choice women:
I also admire those women who proudly announce they don’t want children. Even though “everything is right”: marriage, money, career; they know they don’t want to be mothers. And instead, they live wonderful, fulfilling lives, as women who choose to not be mothers. These women bravely handle the public scorn and humiliation that accompanies a child-less woman. I see you and I love you!
To those who gave birth but didn’t raise their children mothers:
My pregnancies were absolute hell on my body. 4 years later, my body still has not recovered. Sometimes, I feel like a bad mother because of my physical limitations. However, I know in my heart, that if I never do another thing, I gave my children life. So to all the mothers, who gave life to children, and are unable to raise them for whatever reason, I celebrate you. You gave life and I celebrate you. These women bravely handle the public scorn and humiliation that accompanies being a mother without custody of their children.
To those who want to be a mother but can’t:
I just want you to know, I see you and I love you. Being a mother is a gift and it is also sometimes random luck. There are many women who want so desperately to be a mother but for whatever reason, are unable. It’s hard to not be pissed when you see people who are able to have children without any problems, complain when you want nothing more than to be a mother. I wish biology was fair. Unfortunately, like life, there are some things that are out of our control. And for many women, becoming a mother, birthing a child, isn’t possible. These women bravely handle the public scorn and humiliation that accompanies being a woman who can’t have biological children. I see you and I love you.
To those who choose to mother, the motherless children:
There are almost half a million children in the United States in foster care. There are millions more across the world who are orphaned by circumstances beyond their control. The vast of these children are left to survive in terrible systems, organizations, and institutions that truly are not about love or parenting. To all the foster mothers, aunties, grandmothers, best friends, who choose to raise children that they didn’t have, to protect them from entering a system that doesn’t love them, I admire you. Your choice to handle public scorn and humiliation, when people ask invasive questions about why your family doesn’t match, or the sacrifice of love that you give because you want to love children, entitles you to all the love and praise. I see you and I love you.
To those mothers who have lost children:
Due to scientific research and a changing public taboo, we now hear more about miscarriages and child deaths. 1-4 women will have an involuntary miscarriage in their life. The thing about being pregnant is the bond is cemented the moment you find out you are pregnant. You are a mother. You are carrying life. And, cruelly, your love for your child is there, way before they ever come out of your body. It doesn’t matter how “common” miscarriages are, to those mothers, it is a loss of life. And often people aren’t allowed to grieve, because it is common, it just happens or sometimes people trying to be comforting will tell you, “it wasn’t a baby.” Well, I call bullshit. To all the women, who have had life in their body, and had the cruel luck to have it taken involuntarily away from you, I see you and I love you. You, too, are allowed to celebrate Mother’s Day, with your angel baby(ies).
To those who have lost their mothers:
One of my mentors was talking to someone who had recently lost their mother. He said the most profound thing that I’ve always remembered. He said, “you never get over the loss of your mother. Ever. It just gets a little less sad.” To all those who can’t hug, love, or talk to their mothers today, because they have transitioned, I hope today is a little less sad. And that instead of only sadness, you also have some smiles from happy memories of the good times with your mother today. Whatever you feel today is valid. And screw anyone who tries to dictate to you, “how you should” feel. You don’t have to be happy that your mothers in a better place. You don’t have to be happy that you were able to have her for however long you did. It’s ok for you to just be pissed, angry, sad, and miss you,r mom. I see you and I love you. I’m praying that you find strength today to celebrate your mother HOWEVER you want. I see you and I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day to ALL! Today is truly a wonderful day, to me, because women can CHOOSE to be mothers.
On Mother’s Day, I am most grateful that I live in a world and time where women have the right to CHOOSE motherhood.